A Swedish study of depression and suicide shows a dramatic increase in the clinical “blues” for men over 45.  Prior to age 45, men and women commit suicide in a ratio of 3 to 2.  Between 45-65, men double their successful suicides.  By age 80, men turn to suicide 10 times more frequently than do women according to the Swedish study.

            What’s behind this increase in male depression in the second half of life?  One answer lies in what social scientists refer to as “primary social supports.”

            In a survey of 5000 American men and women over the age of 40, huge differences between men and women were identified.  A primary social support is the first person one turns to when something bad happens.

            When given choices between “spouse,” “relative,” “friend,” “co-worker,” and “none” 66% of the men polled identified their “spouse” as their primary social support.  The next highest response was “none” for 13% of the men queried. 

            Amazingly, only 9% of men identified a “friend” as their primary social support.

            The contrast between whom the opposite sexes choose for social support can be highlighted in several ways.  Women chose a “friend” as their #1 social support 28% of time while men chose a “friend” a mere 9% of the time. 

            And only 24% of women identified “spouse” as their primary social support-less than one out of four.  In fact, women identified “relative” in 4 out of 10 instances, whereas only 1 in 10 men answered “relative.”

            The conclusions are crystal.  Second half men who don’t have a spouse (but are not gay) or who lose a spouse through death, divorce, or Alzheimer’s are prime targets for depression and suicide.

            Additional contributors to troubled second half outlooks for men are their relationships to work and their view of sexuality.  A number of studies have shown that men suffer more than women do when their work life ends.  That may change in the future for Boomer and Gen-X women, but WWII and Silent Generation women seem to not identify strongly with their work life.

            Many men get positive feelings from their roles as providers and contributors.  And many men evaluate their success solely in terms of financial and career success.  It is not surprising then that high achieving male executives and professionals often experience deep depression as the joys of workplace, income, status, trappings and perks, and camaraderie fades away.

            The same is true as male potency erodes.  Studies show that men struggle more (but typically in silence) than women as their sexuality wanes.   

            Couple the end-of-work with declining sexuality and a lost wife, and you have a man on a treacherous slippery slope.

            What, if anything, can be done?  Men first need to understand the realities of being a second half male.  They need to join men’s groups and learn to share intimacies, learn to self-reveal, and learn to support new friends and people in addition to their wife.  Second half men need to embrace second-half sexuality and the changes it brings.  Men, even more than women, seem to benefit strongly from being a mentor.  Mentoring in any environment is energizing, hopeful and confirming, elements that all of us need more of in our lives. 

            Men need to visit their primary care physician regularly, and take a more active role in the doctor-patient relationship, and take more personal responsibility for their own health and wellness. 

            Finally, it seems that work, whether it is for financial gain or for free, is an essential core element for making second half men feel better about themselves.  Many of us Second Halfers don’t object to work, but we are less and less interested in 50-60 hour work-weeks for 48-50 weeks a year.  Employers and agencies that carve meaningful work into segments that are “bite-sized” and flexible will discover very motivated second half workers, and certainly lots of willing males among them.

                        “Work helps prevent one from getting old.  My work is

            my life.  I cannot think of one without the other.  The man

            who works is never bored, is never old.  A persona is not old

            until regrets take the place of hopes and plans.  Work and interest

            in worthwhile things are the best remedy for aging.”

                                                                                    Scott Nearing, 1980